I thought I would make use of the previous events, process them, by practicing my writing of fiction recounting what happened over the past few days.
*****
Where–?
I look around, feeling cold and numb. Confused. I don’t remember coming here. I don’t know where here is, it looks vaguely familiar. White tile floors, glaring light…brightly lit due to all the windows around the place, but a darker paneled wall. Someone laying on the floor, slumped as though out cold or…worse…I look down at them, my eyes focusing on the identity of the shape more than the fact that they’re there: blue skirt, white bodice, long blonde hair in a sickeningly familiar odango style.
“Usagi…”
I look down, catching for the first time the fact that there’s something gripped tightly in my hand, a translucent white weapon a sword made of ice. I look over at Sailormoon again, feeling as though I want to vomit…no…
I did as you said, Ami-chan, I’m by myself.
I thought the princess would be much stronger than this.
I don’t take orders from anyone. Understand this. The senshi are my prey. Leave them to me.
Which one of you will I fight first? Sayonara, watashi no tomadachi…
“No…” I sink to my knees, casting the sword aside, as though this is going to make up for the severity of my transgression. I put my hands on her shoulders, noticing the shattered fragments of the crystal part of the moon wand, the handle is still clutched in her hand, “No…Usagi-chan…” tears prick my eyes, but I can’t shed them. I’m too cold. I cradle her towards me, and the tiara falls from her head, breaking on the floor. So many thoughts whirl around me that the only way to let them out is to scream.
I’m aware of someone grabbing me roughly around the waist and pulling me to my feet, but all I can think of is getting back to Usagi.
The surroundings change abruptly, and we’re by ourselves, looking more normal. I cradle Usagi in my lap, brushing her face, wishing I could take my own heat and transfer it to her, somehow fix this…but maybe it won’t, it’s too late. I wasn’t strong enough to fight myself, the desire to hurt, where did it? Why did it? Why did I? Why couldn’t I stop myself? Not only did I betray my friend, but I betrayed my princess…
“I’m so sorry…” the tears come then, and I bury my head against her for a moment, and then jump when I feel movement, and I feel her touching the top of my head.
“Ami-chan,” she says, softly, “You’re alright, you came back…I’m so glad…”
I pull away from her, turning towards the trees, taking in for the first time where we are. Some kind of garden? Jungle? There’s water nearby…Kunzite brought us here, I have betrayed him by returning to normal, why didn’t he just make sure we were both dead while I was in shock?
“Ami-chan?” Usagi asks, seeking out my face, I can’t look at her…
“We should get out of here,” I say, pulling myself to my feet, “try and find a way out…the general Kunzite must have put us here, it’s probably a trap. Are you—,” I almost choke, “Are you okay to walk?”
She nods, getting to her feet slowly. I’m hesitant to offer her a hand. Why is she being so nice to me? I’ve been awful…I turned everyone at school against her. I tried to kill her so many times…I…
“Are you okay, Ami-chan?”
I nod, slowly. I shouldn’t be, but I am.
“Alright, then,” she says, “Let’s go. What seems like a good direction?”
“I don’t know,” I say, slowly.
Usagi peers at me, and then offers a reassuring smile, “Well, how about this way?” she says, pointing off through the trees.
I look up into the sky, trying to see if we’re really in a jungle or just some kind of fabrication, and then off towards the direction she pointed, “It’s okay,” I say.
“Ami-chan…” she says, with a giggle, “It’s alright, really,” and she hugs me, making me want to cry even more, “It’s alright, I’m alright, see?” she bounces around in a circle, “No harm done.”
How can you say that? I—I tried to—I tried to kill you…
“Don’t worry about it. I’m fine, and the moon stick or the crystal they usually shield me from attacks, I was just drained that’s all…”
“But…”
“It wasn’t you—you were being controlled by Kunzite. No one blames you…” she grabs for my arm and I see it, pulling back, stung, the bracelet, black and dark, huge, like a heavyweight, “Ami-chan?” she asks, not sure why I pulled away, I suppose.
I claw at the bracelet, scratching myself, tearing it from my wrist and throwing it down on the ground.
“Can we go now?” she asks.
I nod, and we set off down the path.
It’s hot and sticky, just as you would imagine a real jungle to be. I don’t recall seeing anything like this when I was in the Dark Kingdom, but thinking about wandering the dark caves and dripping shadows, makes my skin crawl. I remember that feeling too, as though I was itching inside my own skin, when Makoto came to my apartment looking for me.
Usagi leads me by the arm, saying she doesn’t want us to get separated.
“What day is it? How long was I gone?”
“Worry about that when we get out of here, right?” then she pauses and turns back to me, “You don’t remember?”
“I…I see bits and pieces.”
I hear the crash as my sword cuts through the crystal of the wand and she slumps to the floor. If I did that…what else have I done?
How could I believe they didn’t care about me?
How could I turn on them?
I used to feel so bad when people would turn against me, and then the only true friends I’ve ever know…I forsook.
Usagi bounces along, looking at everything, apparently none the worse for wear. I chew on my lip. I don’t deserve her. I don’t deserve any of them.
But are we? I remember how we were always by ourselves those last few months. I would spend time at CROWN talking with Luna. Usagi was off chasing Mamoru and Tuxedo Kamen, Rei was trying to find the princess, Makoto chasing Usagi or Motoki. Usagi screams. I whirl around.
“Moon Prism Power, make up!” nothing happens. I don’t even feel the well of energy that we usually feel when each other henshins, “Moon Prism Power, make up!” she tries again, “What?” she demands, “Ami-chan you try.”
“I can’t…”
She drags me along for a little bit, “I think we threw it off. Ami-chan…what’s wrong? Are you hurt?”
“Leave me here,” I tell her, “Please, just leave me. Save yourself, go home. I can’t…”
“What are you talking about? Of course you can…you’re better now, its fine.”
I shake my head, “I did all those things…”
“Ami-chan, please…” she says, pulling at my arm, pulling me along, “Come on. You can’t—that wasn’t your fault.”
“I wasn’t strong enough.”
She stops all of a sudden, “We’re going in circles, look!” she points.
On the ground is the black strapped bracelet.
I look away from her, on the pretense of looking around, “I think the youma is coming back. You should go.”
“I’m not leaving you here!” she protests, “We’re friends. Come on.”
“Are we?”
“Of course, we are!” she exclaims, “You think I’d stop being friends with you because of what happened? That wasn’t your fault, and if the others are going to be bad about it, then I’ll—I’ll give them a good talking to!” she nods, firmly, typical Usagi resolve, I would possibly laugh if I didn’t feel so terrible, “We’re all your friends, all of us, always, because well, that’s the way it is.”
“I don’t know. We weren’t together at all, before, I remember that. All of us off doing other things, that didn’t seem very friendly. I suppose—I suppose that was what made me think that…” I stop, “made it easier for me to believe the nagging in my head,” I find myself tapping my temple, “None of us were talking to each other; we were all keeping secrets…”
Usagi takes my hand, I realize I’m sitting on the ground, staring at a small patch of grass, as if I could see the ants crawling, “We know better now. I’m not going to say we’d all be together every second because, well, for one, Rei-chan would probably get really sick of me…but we’re still friends, Ami-chan, come on…you have to come with me. Can you imagine what Rei-chan and Mako-chan will do to me if they find out I left you behind? Not to mention Luna…”
I give her a half hearted smile, but shake my head.
Then she smacks me.
I look up at her, rubbing my cheek, staring in disbelief, “U-Usagi-chan!”
Tears are coming down her cheeks, I hadn’t realized how upset she was, not being able to look at her while she was talking, “Gomen nasai…” she mumbles, “but please, stop it! Please! You’re not evil—please, believe me, its okay. Please!”
“I—I want to, Usagi-chan, but…”
“No buts!” she exclaims, hauling me to my feet and throwing her arms around me, “You went all by yourself to get me back from Kunzite, and now I’ve been able to repay you. That’s what it’s about. Would you have been mad at me if I’d tried to hurt you as a youma?”
I shake my head, tears falling down my cheeks again, “No, of course not…” I mumble.
She nods, and pulls back, “So, why do you think I should be mad at you?”
I look down at the ground again.
“You’re supposed to be smart, Ami-chan!” she chides, and then gasps, “It’s here, again.”
We run straight ahead, but wind up back at the bracelet. Usagi kicks it frustrated. What should we expect from a garden that’s probably in the Dark Kingdom? It’s like a nightmare.
“Maybe the way out is the way in…” I suggest, “Only the one door?”
“Then we should go back to where we were when I woke up?” she asks, “Okay, plan!” she grabs hold of my arm, and pulls me back off in the opposite direction.
This new idea, seems to have worked, we don’t pass the bracelet, again. I don’t think Usagi kicked it far enough to be not visible to us, and then we see it, a ripple, much like the one that Usagi followed Rei through when she first became Sailor Mars.
“How did you open the portal to Rei-chan and me?” Usagi asks.
“I was Sailor Mercury,” I point out, “and we can’t henshin…”
“I can’t henshin,” Usagi points out, “You never actually tried.”
“Mercury Power, make up!” I call, not really thinking it will work, anyway, given I’m now bracelet-less. Maybe my senshi ability has been taken, which I could understand, I don’t really deserve it any more.
Nothing happens. I’m not even really feeling the water and it’s right there next to us.
“Look!” Usagi says, grabbing my arm.
In front of us, Makoto and Rei, along with a small white cat, like Luna, Venus’s cat, whose name I don’t recall. I can’t believe it. I feel myself, smiling, despite the fact that I’m crying again, “Mako-chan…Rei-chan…”
“Ami-chan…” Rei says, giving a shy smile.
“Ami-chan, is it really you?”
“See!” Usagi exclaims, beaming, I’m not sure if it’s to me or them, “I told you!”
We each reach out to each other, and then with a blinding flash, we’re all standing together in the room where I attacked Usagi not moments earlier.
“You came back!”
Then, I’m not sure who initiates it, but we’re all hugging each other, and crying. Relief washing over me like a comforting bath.
while that finishes I will do this survey that Usagi-chan sent me a few days ago.