Mizuno Ami’s Journal

Mama-san texted me and says she wants to meet me. This can’t be good. She’s at work for two days straight because of something, I don’t know what, and yet she wants to meet with me now, rather than waiting until she’s got through all her shifts and had rest. I’m so nervous.

I think it probably has to do with what happened last night…which was that when I got to the spot where the latest youma had appeared, Rei-chan had already vanquished it and returned to civilian, and as I was congratulating her on this a policeman showed up.
This, of course, is not good, especially as we couldn’t say, ‘Oh, it’s okay officer, you see we’re senshi and we were saving a lot of people from being turned into batteries…’ I hadn’t even had to become Mercury, and Rei had just turned back. Of all the times to wish it actually hadn’t been over so quickly, and I had to participate in the battle…although if that was the case the officer might have been hurt.
We tried to explain, but really, what can you say? We took a short cut home from school this way at almost midnight?
He asked us for our information, and I was hoping that with Mama being at the hospital perhaps they wouldn’t have been able to get hold of her, or would have just left a message at home that I could erase, but perhaps they did both.
I try to tell myself that I’m doing my normal think about this too much; that really nothing is going to happen. She perhaps just wants to see me, given we’ve spent so little time together lately, but I’m afraid that will not be so. Maybe she’s just found out that I’ve not gone to cram school as much as usual, with well, being evil, and being so busy, and that’s just it, and the police haven’t talked to her at all. Although that might be worse, because my doing well means so much to her.

Either way you look at it I’ve let her down.

Well, wish me luck. I’ll go to see her right after classes are done.

Usagi-chan had some bad news this afternoon. She, Rei-chan and I came into CROWN and overheard Motoki-onii-san on the phone trying to get in touch with Chiba-san in London, and failing miserably. Then he explained he was worried because Chiba-san seemed to have just disappeared!
Usagi-chan was desolate, and was all ready to walk to London. We pointed out to her how she shouldn’t try to go, and all the things that Luna has been telling us about the world being doomed, and she -did- seem to calm down, eventually, but it must be so hard for her. I wish there was something we could do.

Part of my is ready to get her a plane ticket to go, but I’m so afraid…I want my friend to be happy, but to doom the world to destruction?? How do we sort this out??

I had a nightmare last night. It was very vivid, and scared me. I woke up feeling as though I couldn’t breathe.
I was firmly convinced for a few moments, that I was still in the Dark Kingdom, and I hadn’t been cured. That being cured was some kind of strange dream. I almost called Usagi-chan to make sure I wasn’t being crazy, but I hit my head trying to find the phone and didn’t wake up to find myself in caves, or fighting or something, so I figure I’m okay.
Plus I’ve now gone through an entire day and not woken up.

I felt so scared though…and I…I wished that Mama was home so I could go to her. I don’t know if I should be so…annoyed with her–but I’ve barely seen her since she came back from Europe, and she doesn’t seem to have noticed that anything had happened to me at all. How I could tell her–I don’t know, but you’d think she would have noticed that her daughter was evil…

I almost have the party pictures finished uploading while that finishes I will do this survey that Usagi-chan sent me a few days ago.

[Describe your ]
x. [Wallet] I have a white purse with a metal clasp, and a black bill fold with a blue star on it.
x. [Toothbrush] Blue with white bristles
x. [Blanket] White and with a blue design on it.
x. [Coffee cup] I have a creamy white mug, and a translucent blue one, depending on whether it’s at home or at CROWN.
x. [Sunglasses] I’ve never really worn sunglasses because I’ve always worn my regular ones.
x. [Underwear] …I don’t think I’m going to talk about that.j
x. [Shoes] I have several pairs of black shoes, and slippers for school.
x. [Favorite shirt] Hm…I really like the white shirt I wore at New Year’s.
x. [Favorite pants] I don’t think I actually own any trousers.
x. [CD in stereo right now] Aino Minako — VENUS.
x. [What you are wearing now:] A white denim skirt, and a white and blue shirt.
x. [Hair] Black, usually in a half ponytail.
x. [Do you believe in love] I…
x. [Do you believe in soul mates] Well, considering my best friend seems to have one, I suppose I should say yes.
x. [Do you believe in love at first sight] Possibly.
x. [What do you want done with your body when you die] …I really don’t know.
x. [What are you gonna do when you're older?] Somehow manage being a doctor and senshi.
x. [How many songs do you have on your computer?] 137
x. [What band are you listening to now?] Not a band, Aino Minako.
x. [Look out your window...tell me what you see] A lot of tiny people milling down the street.
x. [If you could have any animal for a pet?] Any animal…I’d probably stick with my betta.
x. [What is the longest you've ever stayed up?] 37 hours.
x. [Last book you read] I’m working on the english book of ‘Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets’ that my grandfather gave me, Ringu, and several text books.
x. [Last movie you saw] I haven’t.
x. [Favorite book?] *thinks for a while* I like Shakespeare. I’m not sure, I suppose it would be one I can re-read…I know what the worst one was.

[ Body ]
x. [What do you most like about your body?] I like my feet.
x. [And least?] Um…my nose.
x. [How many fillings do you have?] None.
x. [Do you think you're good looking?] I really dont know.
x. [Do other people often tell you that you're good-looking?] Usagi-chan has called me cute before…but she was just being nice.
x. [Do you look like any celebrities?] Hama Chisaki ^_~

[ General Questions ]
x. [What do you prefer, a sunny or rainy day?] I don’t mind the rain so much, but sunny is usually better for your health.
x. [Do you consider yourself lucky?] To be back, yes.
x. [Do you feel pity for people who commit suicide?] I really don’t know.
x. [Choose one word to describe how you feel most often] shy.
x. [Is there more than one zipper in your pants?] I don’t own any pants.
x. [Have you ever used duct tape as a sewing substitute?] No…but then I don’t sew all that much.

[Habits/beliefs ]
x. [Are you disgruntled (having a general hate for everything)?] No.
x. [Are you vegan/vegetarian?] No.
x. [Do you think meat is murder?] No.
x. [Have you ever slept in an alley or park?] No.
x. [Have you ever gone a week without a shower?] No.

[You.]
x. [Status] Alive, happy and single.
x. [Crush] …
x. [Eye color] Dark.
x. [Height] 5′1
x. [Siblings] None.
x. [Pets] Fish–Einstein

[Favorites]
x. [Number] 5, 7 and 2
x. [Color] Blue.
x. [Day] Sunday
x. [Month] I don’t have one.
x. [Song] “C’est la Vie” by Aino Minako
x. [Movie] None.
x. [Food] Sandwiches.
x. [Season] Winter.
x. [Class] English.
x. [Drink] Mako-chan put me on to Shizuoka Green Tea, which is really tasty.
x. [Veggie] Bamboo Shoots.
x. [TV Show] I don’t watch TV all that much either.
x. [Radio] or listen to the radio.
x. [Store] Bookstore.
x. [Word] Gomen.
x. [Animal] Fish.
x. [Flower] Lillies.

[More Questions : )]
1. Name as it appears on your birth certificate: Mizuno Ami
2. Nicknames: Ami-chan, Mizu-chan, Mei-kao
3. Favorite cartoon character: n/a
4. Been toilet papering? No.
5. Favorite Holiday? New Year
6. Favorite toothpaste: whatever I’m using.
7. Favorite restaurant: I like Mako-chan’s cooking.
8. Favorite sport to watch: Volleyball.
9. Favorite ice cream: Mint.
10. Favorite sesame street character: um…
11. Disney or Warner Bros: Not sure.
12. When was your last hospital visit? Last month, when I um…passed out at the amusement park.
13. Who was the last person you got an email from?
14. Which single store would you choose to max out your credit card? A computer store.
15. What do you do most often when you are bored: update my journal.
16. Name a friend that lives the farthest away? Urawa-kun.
17. Most annoying thing people ask me?
18. Bedtime: Usually around eleven or midnight.
19. Last person you went out to dinner with? Usagi-chan, Mako-chan, Rei-chan and Luna.
20. Last movie you saw? None.

1. IF YOU COULD BUILD A HOUSE ANYWHERE, WHERE WOULD IT BE? Okinawa.
2. FAVORITE PHYSICAL FEATURE OF THE OPPOSITE SEX? Smile.
3. WHAT’S THE LAST CD THAT YOU BOUGHT? I haven’t…no, I tell a lie I bought Usagi-chan an Aino Minako single.
4. WHERE’S YOUR FAVORITE PLACE TO BE? with my friends.
5. WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE PLACE TO BE MASSAGED? I’ve only ever had my shoulders done.
6. WHAT’S MOST IMPORTANT, STRONG IN MIND OR STRONG IN BODY? Strong in mind.
7. WHAT TIME DO YOU WAKE UP IN THE MORNING: About five or six.
8. WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE KITCHEN APPLIANCE? Toaster.
9 WHAT MAKES YOU REALLY ANGRY? The thought of betraying my friends.
10. IF YOU COULD PLAY ANY INSTRUMENT, WHAT WOULD IT BE? Flute.
11. WHICH DO YOU PREFER? Sports car or SUV? Neither.
12. FAVORITE CHILDREN’S BOOK? I recently read the Cat in the Hat and that was quite funny.
13. WHAT’S YOUR LEAST FAVORITE HOUSEHOLD CHORE? Ironing.
14. IF YOU COULD HAVE ONE SUPER POWER, WHAT WOULD IT BE? Um…
15. CAN YOU JUGGLE? I’ve never tried.
16. THE ONE PERSON FROM YOUR PAST YOU WISH YOU COULD GO BACK AND TALK WITH? My father.
17. IF YOU COULD MAKE ONE MOVIE STAR FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU, WHO WOULD IT BE? I’ve never really thought about it. That would be a little selfish.
18. IF YOU COULD HAVE ANY JOB THAT YOU WANTED, WHAT WOULD IT BE? A doctor.
19. IF YOU COULD CHANGE ONE THING ABOUT THE PERSON YOU MOST LOVE, WHAT WOULD IT BE? That she didn’t work all the time.
20. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CANDY? Men’s Pocky ^_~

Minna-san threw a party for me, which was nice. I was considering it a little unnecessary, but it certainly brought home to me the togetherness that we have. We took a few pictures.

We sang karaoke, and had lots of good food thanks to Mako-chan.
Luna says starting this week, she will be training us with new methods, hoping to awaken more fully past memories of being senshi in Makoto and myself. I’m sure this will be tricky, this sort of thing is what’s been making me think in depth about past lives and so on. I’ve been looking at some books, but I’m really tired right now. I’ll hold this entry until I have the pictures.

EDIT:
I decided I would post the entry anyway…as I’ve not been as quick at getting the pictures sorted out as I would liked to have been.
So, I will post it now, and post another entry with pictures in later.

I feel blessed to have such wonderful friends!
Usagi-chan and the others have been catching me up on a lot of things. I’m in shock that Chiba-san would have left for London, but as I think about it, I think it might be for the best. He and Usagi-chan can both get their heads cleared, we can all work out what it means about the Moon Kingdom, and past lives, and perhaps…well who knows. Just because you’re with someone in another life doesn’t mean that you have to be with them in this one. To my way of thinking if you’re reincarnated it would be to experience varied things; but it’s a confusing topic on the whole. I’d much rather focus on this life, especially considering what happened recently, but then to recall memories of being a senshi might help with our understanding of what are duties are, and our abilities and to complete those tasks we have this time around much better.

I read back through the previous entries and I feel as though I am in a waking nightmare. I cannot believe that these are me…but I remember sitting at the keyboard and typing them. I can see so clearly interacting with Nephrite…walking…fighting with the senshi, with my friends…trying to kill Venus, being angry at Kunzite for not allowing me the pleasure of killing Moon…no Hime-san, our princess.

Usagi…she is okay with me. She hugged me. We all hugged. There was such elation. It is wonderful to be free of the clouds, and they say that they understand, it wasn’t me, it was the Dark Kingdom’s influence, but that doesn’t change the fact that I remember it all. I remember doing those things. I can feel the weight of the sword in my hand, feel my face smirking at them, calling Usagi “Tsukino-san” turning everyone at the school against her…
…yet she tells me it’s alright.

How can she forgive me?
How can the others?

side note: …and what’s with Luna?

I will have to remake my journal…just seeing the picture makes me go cold and want to hide in the bathroom, being sick. I am so afraid…afraid that I will wake up and I will still be there, that I will wake up and find I have killed Usagi, and we are standing by her grave and I am laughing about it…or trying to stab Makoto and Rei through the back while they stand by Usagi’s grave.
I must not forget that it happened. I cannot pretend that it did not…so I will not delete the entries that I made then…as I was tempted to do just before, but that can be a sufficient reminder. I can look back and realize how lucky I am that Usagi forgave me enough to heal me, even if I don’t understand. I suppose that shows she is the greater of them. The Dark Kingdom tried to kill me for turning my back on them, but Usagi forgave me for turning my back on the senshi, and brought me home.

In the mean time I am very, very nervous about going back to school on Monday. I’m trying to find notes that I made in the mean time, I need to find out where we are in our studies, to see if I have missed anything. My memories are still foggy, and I’m a little afraid to look in my notebooks right now, worried that I will find rather graphic doodles with the severed heads of my friends in them, perhaps cats on…

I’m going to stop thinking about that right now, also.
I should go down to CROWN, sitting here by myself is not doing me any good. I’m nervous about that too, though, but I can go. I’m allowed. Plus it will be good way to assure myself what is real and what is not.

RUN
{if user=mercury
keyseq=******
goto END
{if user=mercury
keyseq=NULL
value=undisclosed
goto upload
file=bestwishes.doc to journal ami_chan password=undisclosed
}END

******
displaydisplaydisplay
******Minna-san,
If you are reading this I am so sorry that I have let you down. I wish that you would not have to be reading this, because I know I will be missing you dearly if I am not with you; you have all been the truest friends I have ever known.
This is the result of me thinking about contigencies far too much, but if something ever happens I want to be sure you understand how much you have all meant to me, becauseI know I’m not the strongest of us by any means, there are many times I consider I would be the weakest link.
To that end, I have set this up so that it will beep my phone every so often, and if there are a certain number of times I do not respond and tell the computer not to, it will send this to here so that you can read it.

Usagi-chan,
you have some much heart and so much raw power, you don’t even know. Please don’t cry so much. I’m sure you tried your hardest to save me. I feel sure you could resurrect the dead, if you tried hard enough, but don’t take this as a challenge and kill yourself trying to do so.
You were my first friend, the first person who genuinely tried to get to know me for me, and to show me how rewarding friendship was truly supposed to be. You will always be dear to me. I’m so sorry that I’ve let you down.

Rei-chan,
Hontoni gomen nasai, because I have broken your trust and done to you what you had feared. I am so sorry to betray the promise I made, and to cause you further pain.
I truly did not wish for this to happen.
I wish we could have shared more time together. You are always so practical, and honest, with your advice. I wish I had listened to you more, and allowed myself to believe what you were telling me, because it was the truth, always.
Please don’t be rash.
Please be patient with Usagi-chan. I believe with all my heart that things will work out.
Have faith. That is one of your greatest strengths.

Mako-chan,
I wish I had your strength. You are so powerful, so forthright, so many things I could never be.
Please don’t do anything stupid…I mean, that will get you hurt again.
I am so very glad that you found us. I know you will continue to do your best–nothing can stand in your way, you won’t let it.
I hope you find your true love, and will continue to help Usagi-chan with hers.

Last but not least, Luna-san. I am sorry I was not able to be what you had hoped, and do what you had wished, or be as strong as I should be.
You are so very sweet, and knowledgable, hopefully you can continue on.
I wish you the best.
You will be able to work with the princess some day I know it.
May you unlock the rest of your secrets, also.

I hope, at least, I was able to accomplish something. Minna-san knows well how I dislike not being useful.
Perhaps we would be able to work side by side with Sailor Venus now. I am sorry to let every one down; to not be able to guard the princess to the best of my ability.
I know I must miss you all and love you dearly, because of how it upsets me to be writing this, but I would feel worse if something happened and I had not been able to.
As if I hadn’t said it enough, I am truly sorry.

Please perservere and win,
Ami-chan.

I feel in some ways I’ve been a little out of the loop lately. On the one hand it gives me time to catch up on my journal while I’m having a break from knitting because Luna is molesting my wool…but…we actually fought a battle, briefly, with the Princess’ help the other day, she ran off and Mars ran after her, Moon, Jupiter and myself were left to fight the two shittenou who were around. No sign of the one who kidnapped Usagi-chan the last month.
We found out what’s been troubling Usagi-chan; it -was- Chiba-san. Apparently he has a girlfriend.
We’ve been making mufflers in school, and while I’ve been bored, I’ve been making gloves for everyone also so that I can keep practicing and because I want to do something for my friends, other than help with homework.
Luna and I have been talking a lot lately about the various different things. Rei seems to have a burning project to do with the Princess that she doesn’t want to let anyone in on, and Mako is on a one woman crusade to find out exactly what’s going on with Chiba-san and Usagi-chan; I’ll leave her to that one, I’m sure I would be thoroughly useless with love problems, as I’ve said many times before.
I hope that soon we’re actually all able to be in the same room together, at the same time, but who knows, perhaps what Rei is working on means that Venus will actually come and visit and explain some things to us, and maybe something will work out as far as Usagi’s love situation goes, there are days I’ve seen her looking so sad, and I really wish I could do something more.
Well, I should go so that I can finish the gloves and then I decided I would use up the ends of my wool so that I can make something for Luna also, then I have to go home.

Since it was pointed out to me that I have not posted certain pictures of things which happened quite some time ago, or a certain picture of myself which Usagi-chan took…without further ado, here they are:

Hallowe’en Time:

That is Usagi-chan in the bear suit-I swear! And a couple of pictures she got of me dressed up as a cat.

Sleepover

Firstly I must say that if you see a book with the title below: do NOT buy it!

Now onto the pictures of minna-san having fun:

And here is when we tried out make-up. Minna-san didn’t do so badly, but I…I’ve never really used make-up before. I look like a clown!

Usagi-chan snapped this picture of me without my glasses on. I wasn’t so happy about it at the time, but I’m getting more used to being without them:

I better show the picture of myself in the kimono that Usagi-chan took also:

Nako-Nako

From when minna-san were going through the Nako-nako phase. Usagi-chan stayed up working on her costume.

Last but not least a couple of pictures of Motoki-onii-san for Mako-chan: