Mizuno Ami’s Journal

I’ve been very busy with preparations the past few days. I have only a few more things to do and then I will be in the United States. I have a few posts of Ask Ami scheduled to post while I am settling in, but for now I must get ready to go to the party that the others are giving for me to send me off.

It was supposed to be a surprise, but Usagi-chan let slip. I’m glad she did really because I would have been even more overwhelmed if I hadn’t had a few days to prepare. My friends are so loving and so kind and generous, and I can’t help but feel still that I might be making the wrong decision to go and study in America, no matter how much they assure me that I am not.

Hopefully it will not be too long before I can pick up and let everyone know how things are going, but I’m not sure how I will set up internet over there, or what will happen with my phone. I love you all. You are so dear to me.

I will still be filling in my back entries and copying them from my other journal; but I’ve been neglecting to fill in other things, things which are more up to date. That’s been a grievous error on my part, but it’s a sort of compulsive thing I have. I feel the journal is incomplete and want it to be perfect.

Anyway, it’s very busy here. I’ve been finishing up my applications to go to America for school. I’ve kept putting them off because I’m so nervous, things have been quiet for so long yet I wonder if I’m going to screw things up somehow by leaving and everyone will be in the lurch without me. I don’t want to be neglectful in my duties.

I got the shock of my life just now–I could think that Nephrite is working at CROWN. It’s so…confusing to see him, but given his demeanor and the way that Motoki-onii-san introduced him, I really think that it is him. It’s good to know that he’s safe, but he seems so tormented, there’s part of me that thinks it might have been better had he just died.

Rei-chan asked us to help her with something. It turned out to be a competition between her and Aino Minako. It was a bit shocking, to say the least. Apparently she was willing to become an idol…I have to think there was something behind it given her distaste for all things karaoke.
Mako-chan and I played for Rei’s team, and Usagi and Luna for Minako’s. I think the meaning behind it was for us all to do something together as friends. We did all have fun as a group. I’ll have to post some pictures. I still need to post pictures from when Rei-chan and I had the camp-out at CROWN.

Minako-san’s new song is great, though. “Kiss-kiss, bang-bang!” I’m sure Usagi-chan’s going to be singing it for a long time.

Usagi-chan is somewhat safe, we’re all healthy, right now at least. I hope things continue this way. Working together I’m sure we will succeed.

We’ve been so busy with everything that I haven’t really been able to update, but I just wanted to do the whole “still around, surviving” note. Hopefully things will calm down more thoroughly over the next few days so I can catch up on what’s been going on.

There have been some bad things going on lately, some a lot worse than others. I didn’t transfer schools, which is a good thing. I did some things perhaps I shouldn’t, but things have worked out.

I felt bad, being so worried about something as a school transfer, when Rei-chan had such deeper problems with her father. She and I spent some time together at CROWN, when neither of us wanted to go home, and we sorted out a lot of things. It was fun to spend time with her, I think it did both of us some good, as she points out we both tend to be pulled in, for different reasons. She couldn’t understand why I couldn’t just stand up to my mother in the first place and tell her ‘no’ this is something Rei has little problem with. She has such courage. I worry. I did not want to disappoint my mother, she expects for me to follow her footsteps, and I wish to please her, so I worry that she will hate me if I don’t live up to her expectations, such is the way things are.
Plus, I don’t want to lie to her, but I also don’t want to put her and my other friends in danger by explaining certain things.

As it stands now, she’s had another trip since then, and come back, and she understands that I like to spend time with my friends, and there are certain things I have to do, and that I’m still trying my best, and still doing okay, so it’s alright. Which is a big relief.

Other things have happened though, that make all the fracas over the school issues seem like nothing; and they involve Usagi-chan and Chiba-kun. As it is right now Usagi-chan has disappeared, for a while Luna had me pretending to be her, which worked out okay, suprisingly because Ikuko-mama-san had lost her contact lenses and couldn’t tell that it was me and not Usagi-chan. Right now Mako-chan is in my place and I have to look around for Usagi-chan and try and find out where she’s gone. Rei-chan has gone to see Aino-san for more information.

As to why–why has Usagi-chan disappeared? I have no actual idea. I have speculations only.
She and Chiba-kun were doing very well with their relationship, but then, Beryl…

Beryl appeared and she threatened the lives of the shittenou. She even stabbed Nephrite, or had him stab himself, because of this manipulation Chiba-kun agreed to go with her to preserve the lives of everyone else. He didn’t want Usagi-chan to continue to be controlled by the princess aspect of herself, her other self, self from the past…so, he brought her back to normal and went along with Beryl.
Speculation is that during the night after that the princess came to the forefront of Usagi’s personality again and is now dragging her somewhere around Tokyo, and the only clue we have is the sound of the harp…

Anyway, I should go. I just had to purge some of this out of my head so I could think more clearly and continue my pursuit.
Wish me luck.

Mama-san wants me to transfer schools.

I’m at a loss.
I can’t. I can’t. I can’t.

Yet I can’t give a satisfactory explanation for why not, or why I’ve missed cram school, or what I was doing that the policeman found us.

What am I going to do?

Edit: On the one hand maybe she would send me to Rei-chan’s school. It is a private school…

Mama-san texted me and says she wants to meet me. This can’t be good. She’s at work for two days straight because of something, I don’t know what, and yet she wants to meet with me now, rather than waiting until she’s got through all her shifts and had rest. I’m so nervous.

I think it probably has to do with what happened last night…which was that when I got to the spot where the latest youma had appeared, Rei-chan had already vanquished it and returned to civilian, and as I was congratulating her on this a policeman showed up.
This, of course, is not good, especially as we couldn’t say, ‘Oh, it’s okay officer, you see we’re senshi and we were saving a lot of people from being turned into batteries…’ I hadn’t even had to become Mercury, and Rei had just turned back. Of all the times to wish it actually hadn’t been over so quickly, and I had to participate in the battle…although if that was the case the officer might have been hurt.
We tried to explain, but really, what can you say? We took a short cut home from school this way at almost midnight?
He asked us for our information, and I was hoping that with Mama being at the hospital perhaps they wouldn’t have been able to get hold of her, or would have just left a message at home that I could erase, but perhaps they did both.
I try to tell myself that I’m doing my normal think about this too much; that really nothing is going to happen. She perhaps just wants to see me, given we’ve spent so little time together lately, but I’m afraid that will not be so. Maybe she’s just found out that I’ve not gone to cram school as much as usual, with well, being evil, and being so busy, and that’s just it, and the police haven’t talked to her at all. Although that might be worse, because my doing well means so much to her.

Either way you look at it I’ve let her down.

Well, wish me luck. I’ll go to see her right after classes are done.

Usagi-chan had some bad news this afternoon. She, Rei-chan and I came into CROWN and overheard Motoki-onii-san on the phone trying to get in touch with Chiba-san in London, and failing miserably. Then he explained he was worried because Chiba-san seemed to have just disappeared!
Usagi-chan was desolate, and was all ready to walk to London. We pointed out to her how she shouldn’t try to go, and all the things that Luna has been telling us about the world being doomed, and she -did- seem to calm down, eventually, but it must be so hard for her. I wish there was something we could do.

Part of my is ready to get her a plane ticket to go, but I’m so afraid…I want my friend to be happy, but to doom the world to destruction?? How do we sort this out??

I had a nightmare last night. It was very vivid, and scared me. I woke up feeling as though I couldn’t breathe.
I was firmly convinced for a few moments, that I was still in the Dark Kingdom, and I hadn’t been cured. That being cured was some kind of strange dream. I almost called Usagi-chan to make sure I wasn’t being crazy, but I hit my head trying to find the phone and didn’t wake up to find myself in caves, or fighting or something, so I figure I’m okay.
Plus I’ve now gone through an entire day and not woken up.

I felt so scared though…and I…I wished that Mama was home so I could go to her. I don’t know if I should be so…annoyed with her–but I’ve barely seen her since she came back from Europe, and she doesn’t seem to have noticed that anything had happened to me at all. How I could tell her–I don’t know, but you’d think she would have noticed that her daughter was evil…