I have to make up the test that I missed in cram school on Friday today. I have an appointment this afternoon after school. I’m not sure what’s going to happen between myself and Us-Tsukino-san today. I want to apologize, but I don’t think I can bring myself to face her. I did some very stupid things.
There’s a possibility of activity going on with youma at a museum that’s having a display of stones and jewelry this week. I’d already promised that I would look into it before all this happened. Even if we’re not talking too each other I can’t let down the side.
Oh, I’m such an idiot!!! How and why did I ever decide any of that was a good idea? It was so exhausting, and now Tsukino-san has to be completely angry with me, given what she said about liars and friends, and that is what I was doing.
It was so uncomfortable.
The karoke party was fun in some respects, even if I didn’t know how to put make-up on properly but I should have left and gone to cram school…
I would call Tsukino-san and apologise except common sense kicks in that it’s almost two o’clock in the morning, and she wouldn’t be very happy to hear from at this time, if she even woke up.
Hopefully now that I’ve calmed down a bit I can get some sleep, but, well, I was by myself before. Maybe I can still help out with senshi things, but the friend thing…well, I blew it, I have to face the consequences of that.
I’m going to try the things in this book I found. It’s setting my mind at ease some as I’m reading it, and echoing some of the fears I’ve had.
I keep remembering the discussion that went on the other day between myself Tsuk–Usagi-chan, and Rei-san at the Crown center. How friends call each other by their first names, and Rei-s-chan calls her Usagi-chan and has known her less time. I keep putting it off because I don’t feel comfortable, and it’s causing a rift.
I don’t want to lose them as my friends, though.
I’m so nervous, Tsukino-san is trying to organize a sleep-over, I know Rei-san really doesn’t want to go, she seems to think the whole idea is ridiculous. Especially because she doesn’t know anyone from our school, and it would be really hard to explain how we randomly befriended someone from T*A.
Tsukino-san’s disappointed, apparently her friend Naru; Osaka-san from school would also be there, I don’t know Osaka-san all that well. Plus it if it’s an after school get together I’d probably have to leave for cram school anyway depending on what day it is, so I don’t know if I should go. *sighs* I know Tsukino-san would be very disappointed, I think she’s already upset with me because I don’t call her “Usagi” there was this big thing about that. It’s not close to friends to call them by their last names and all the rest of it, to her.
I think I was write about not understanding how friends are supposed to work, but I’ve never really had any before. Honestly, I haven’t had any before. I don’t know if I have them now…if I’m not calling them by their first names we mustn’t be close and so that means we can’t be friends!
I went food shopping after school today as cram school had been canceled and there was no pressing business at CROWN.
Mama-san had left me a list. I felt almost out of body walking around the store looking at everyone. I caught myself standing there just watching everyone. They must have thought me so creepy! But my brain was stuck on a cycle of wondering how many of them, if any, had any idea of what has really been going on the past few weeks. Even if they witnessed some of the things which went on with a youma would they really understand what it was or believe it or would they convince themselves otherwise?
I better make some udon or something else to eat!
A fairly quiet weekend. I’ve been studying and occasionally thinking about senshi things. I wonder who our next senshi will be. Luna said there are four of us to guard the princess.
I’m also worried that I’m not being a very good friend…should I be so…I don’t know I see the way that Tsukino-san acts with her other friends like Osaka-san and I don’t act that way.
I can’t be so carefree. I’m always worried by what people will think of me, and making a good impression, keeping up with my grades. I wish I could be more the way that Tsukino-san is. She seems so relaxed, and less nervous as I am.
We went to Rei-san’s after school, to talk with her, and so that Luna could fill her in on some of the things that she had filled Tsukino-san and myself in on when we were first Awakened, and let her input on things.
Apparently the fact that she’s a senshi makes sense to her, as far as the fact she has some psychic talents. I suppose it makes sense to all of us, giving us a reason for why we’ve always felt a little out of the loop. Maybe I shouldn’t say we on that and say me. I did always feel as though there was something I was missing, some thing else that was going on that I was supposed to be aware of and hadn’t put a finger on–didn’t quite fit in with the rest of the school.
We’re going to bring Rei-san to Crown some time this next week when she can get away from the temple so that Luna can ‘outfit’ her with a cell phone and she can know where our Private meeting place is, so if there’s something really important she can go there to meet with us and not worry about her grandfather overhearing, or someone in our family overhearing if she calls the cell phone.
I’m worrying a little about how we’re going to manage the school work + senshi thing. Tsukino-san doesn’t seem too concerned by this, and Rei-san is so new I don’t want to worry her.
Tsukino-san’s primary concern right now seems to be inducting Rei-san into the Aino Minako fan club, and not wanting to study as much as she needs to, and we need to so that her mother doesn’t get suspicious.
I had another strange dream, and this one also had a blonde girl in it, I wonder if it was the same girl…although for some reason I kept thinking this girl was Aino Minako, but she didn’t look like…
I remember we were sitting on a bed, a water bed, and I remember looking at her bookshelf too, and I remember she and I were talking and asking each other questions, although I think she was mostly asking me questions and I was telling her about myself…I remember that she was talking to me about some of the things and when I was looking at some thing on her bookshelf and she said, “I don’t think you should be reading that Mizuno-san…” but I don’t remember what I called her when I was talking to her.
Maybe I should mention it to Tsukino-san, and Hino-san later…
I hope you are keeping safe and learning a lot of new things about our history today, minna-san.
I am going to see if I can get Tsukino-san to go to an art exhibit with me or to the Order of Culture Awards at the Imperial Palace. If the weather is not good, or that’s too crowded perhaps we can see if they have the “Federal Lord’s Parade” from Kanagawa prefecture on television.
Just a quick still alive update, I never thought that could be a serious issue until now, but this senshi stuff could be really scary, and really deadly. I mean, Tsukino-san almost fell to her death…she could have died…I read back over the post I wrote earlier this morning about it and I feel like I’m going to be sick.
