I’m striving to re-work my online presence so that things are more streamlined and I an work more easily and without being or feeling so overwhelmed.

I’ve been having quite a few issues lately with motivation. However a lot of that comes from the fact that I’ve been having a depressed episode. I dislike writing that because it feels so…contrived, but it’s the truth. I have to acknowledge that I have depression. In fact I apparently have a depressive disorder — according to my medical diagnosis sheet, which really shouldn’t be surprising there are a lot of people with depression in my family, and have been for several generations.

However, up until recently I was not taking medication. I weaned myself off meds last August when I ran out of insurance covered psychiatric visits figuring that I was doing better and therefore didn’t need medication any more. However slowly but surely it’s been whittling away at me and I haven’t realized. Depression is sneaky, especially when you have other things going on both physically and mentally. It’s easy to figure that it’s all in your head because it IS all in your head, but if it’s chemical — well, then it’s difficult to psych yourself out of it. I’ve been trying but it can only go so far, especially when the balance is out of whack.

It saps creativity, energy, drive, desire to do ANYTHING, and generally makes you a bear to live with and there’s nothing that can be done, except actually take pills. Which I have been doing, although admittedly sporadically, it’s hard to get things into routine, especially when the meds have to be taken with food and I have a tendency to forget to eat in the mornings.

I’ve been prescribed Celexa. It’s the first time I’ve been on that medication. Previously I’ve been on Lexapro, Trazodone and Wellbutrin.

We’ll see how things go. So far I can feel that my mood is getting better, but it’s slow. However I’ve definitely been getting more energy gradual as it may be, which is a good thing.