Regaining Positivity

I noticed a horrid trend going on with me the other day. Hubbie came home for lunch and asked how the day was going and it wasn’t until I had finished my laundry list of bad and he said, “Did ANYTHING good happen today?” that I first started to realize the truly negative place that I’ve been in.

So, I scraped for things that were good that had happened, and it was hard but I found some and over the past two days I’ve been realizing that perhaps my GP was right when he said I needed to see the psych and get back on some anti-depressants. However, we can’t afford those so instead I’ve decided I’m going to make myself focus on the positive things until I get myself out of this slump. I’d rather not be popping pills to mask my problems anyway.

My brain is strong. My mind is strong. It has to have been to have been able to get me through the things that I have survived, so this little economic crunch and loss of job and all the rest of it I can get through this. I’ve been through worse!

People always talk about the power of positive thinking, but it’s hard, and I recognize that, it’s very hard to start the climb out of the hole, but I have to, my family needs me, and frankly I need me. Yes, I’m tired. Yes, I feel like crap, but you know what? There is a LOT of good in my life. I’m not around my abusive step-father any more. I’ve cut out several people who bring negativity into my life, and here I am bringing it back in. So, I need to CUT IT OUT.

Today, for example, yes there have been some bumps, but you know what? I got laundry on the go, and in doing so cleaned up some of the mess in the munchkin’s room. I rearranged his closet, and he and I had a great time doing it. We played games, and hid under covers, and rebuilt his toy box, and had some quality snuggle time while we played Boomshine and made pretty music and sang and danced, and I’m still tired, but I can already feel my mood improving.

Rather than yesterday where I spent most of my time irritable, irritated and I bet irritating to those who were around me and having to deal with my shitty attitude.

So, what if I only got $95 on my final paycheck? That’s $95 we didn’t have before, and sure we’re not going to have much money because I had to delay the mortgage payment until tomorrow, which means hubbie’s paycheck is going to be thoroughly toasted by not only the mortgage but three credit card bills and the phone bill BUT we will have a place to live, and we may be eating ramen and hamburger for a week or so but we can make that damn tasty with stuff from our herb garden and we’ll have food, and a place to live and we’ll be together.

Ramen can be freakin’ tasty, and Kore and I are both damn good cooks so we can come up with some great meals with what we have, we had the foresight to stock up on meat and things whenever it’s on sale, so we’re not going to starve.

We have so many blessings. We’re in a safe place. We have really good people in our life, and we can appreciate that. We have plenty of DVDs and old video games that we’ve acquired over the years, so if we have to turn the cable off to save money it’s not like we’re going to be starved for entertainment, especially as several of us can run role playing games which will also help stimulate the munchkin’s imagination.

Add to that great things like freecycle — and we can pass along several of the things that munchkin doesn’t need any more to other people in our area, and perhaps get other things for him in their place. I don’t need his Pack’n'Play any more or his Rock-It exercise center, but I imagine there are other people who would be able to use them, rather than us just throwing them away.

What is it they say, pay it forward?

When hubbie gets up and asks me how the morning has been instead of whining about whatever it was that might have frustrated me for a moment I’m going to tell him about the fun we had playing tickle monster and how helpful he was as I was sorting out his room. It’s a small start, but I’m putting out positive vibes into the house and that should help keep things upbeat, and if that continues for a few days it should become habit and will hopefully spread throughout everyone who lives in this house and just keep building and building.

Here goes nothing!