Therapy Today
July 17th, 2008I’m a bit nervous about therapy today because I have a feeling we’re going to be unearthing some more deeply buried things. It’s complicated…and I think it might also be more nerve-wracking because my therapist was away last week so it’s the first time I’ve seen her in two weeks.
I was upset additionally this week because two good friends of ours who are brothers, their father died this past week, and I find myself not only upset for them and saddened by the loss but also angry that their father would be dead and my step-father is still around making people’s lives miserable and trying to track down my mother because he’s decided he wants her back. Ugh.
These are the times that life makes no sense. Plus I know there are issues in me. My husband and I had a mini heated discussion, I can’t say argument because it really wasn’t one, but there was tension there, because the munchkin hit me the other day and hubbie told him to say sorry to me and my gut reaction was “Why?” and then the munchkin ran off saying “NO! NO!” and when hubbie tried to get him he wound up pulling his hair, and I freaked out more and got really jittery.
It’s hard to work out why because there’s so much that’s lost to me about why that would be so scary to me. I want to know but at the same time I don’t. I guess we’ll just have to see what comes up.
July 17th, 2008 at 11:34 pm
Life doesn’t make sense – at least, not now, and not from our current point of view. Growing up, I was taught that it would all make sense someday – I’ve found that it’s partially true, although I am sure some things will remain senseless.
Last weekend, my favorite teacher died. She had made an effort to keep in touch with me, but I had been standoffish because I didn’t want to admit to her that I’d dropped out of college. She died very suddenly and unexpectedly, and I realized that she wouldn’t have cared what I was doing with my life as long as I was happy with it. I wish I’d done as good of a job keeping in touch as she did. Now, it’s too late.
Yesterday, I visited the mausoleum with my fiancé to pay our respects to his aunt, whom I never met. They were very close. There’s nothing quite like watching someone you love tear up for someone you never even got the chance to see face to face.
Death is always hard, but there’s no point in trying to figure out why certain people die and others don’t. Nearly everyone who dies means the world to someone out there, and it’s always painful and it always spurs the same questions.
Therapy is tough, but important. I would definitely urge you to explore all these things and whatever else comes up, because you will come out better for it.
July 19th, 2008 at 4:08 pm
I think you’re right that some things become clearer and others don’t. I guess there’s reason behind it.
You’re right about death. It doesn’t get any easier no matter who or how they relate to you. My MIL died in September and that’s still hard for all of us.
We’re slowly getting to things in therapy. I don’t know if my information would be useful to anyone else or not…maybe I should be clearer about things. I don’t know.