I got more paperwork to fill out the other day, on top of the pages and pages of applications and things that I’ve already sent in, and it’s really draining me. It’s just thoroughly kicking my ass. The more I fill out the more I feel like a failure.

I posted something to that effect on punkymoms and the girls have been offering tips and support to help cheer me up and it’s working to a point. Hopefully I can focus more on the positive than the negative. This is supposed to be a Thankful Thursday and instead I feel like a complete waste of space.

I’ve had to sit down and list everything I can’t do that I should be able to do/used to be able to do, and reading 8 pages of how much I suck…really brings a person down. I know this is meant to be that way to show WHY you need disability assistance. If I was able to remember things for more than a few minutes, sprint up flights of stairs, lift more than 30lbs and carry it, manage our finances and all the rest of it…then I could get and hold a damn job and wouldn’t need the application…but urgh.

While my husband was home for lunch I got the last half of the pages filled. I hope they don’t send me any more things like this, because I really don’t want to be reminded that I’m not holding things together, I’m screwing up our finances, and ruining my son’s life because I can’t discipline him properly, or carry him for very long…that we run around in the same clothes two some times three days in a row because we don’t leave the house and I forget that I have laundry on the go.

I hope this is all worth it at the end of it all. I can’t handle any more disappointment right now. Where’s that wine of the month club at? Oh, yeah, we can’t afford it right now :p