If you could stop imitating a banshee that would be great. I’m right next to you. If you say “Mama” I will hear it so you really don’t have to make my ears bleed and all the glass in the house shatter with this shrieking noise.

I would also really appreciate it if I could go to the bathroom by myself. I’m a big girl. I don’t need your help, especially when that help is you trying to knock everything down off the bathroom counter, run off with the toilet brush or plunger, or flush the toilet while I’m trying to go; also, toilet water is Nasty so don’t try to lift the lid and play in the toilet bowl. It’s great that you wait until I’m washing my hands before trying to do something like that. Thank you, again.
Where did you get my underwear from? Never mind. I don’t want to know. Just put it back. It does not need to be out in the hallway or on the kitchen floor. Don’t shriek at me when I take it off you, don’t you remember what I just said? Right here. No ear bleeding, thank you.

I’ve said it before and I’ve said it again the dishwasher and the cooker are both off limits to you. I’m not the wicked witch from Hansel and Gretel I don’t want to roast you for dinner and you get bathed regularly so you don’t need to go in to the washer.

You have your own food you don’t need mine. Tipping all yours out onto your tray and then waving the empty bowl at me is not going to get you more. Mummy’s pretty smart. She knows you still have food.

Why do you have such bad survival instincts? You want to run off whenever we’re going somewhere and try to climb up the concrete stairs to the rest of the apartment complex, or run out in the road…I swear you want to climb up on our bed just to throw yourself off into the trunk. I don’t understand it at all. Hopefully when you’re older you’ll begin to understand that all these “No”’s are not because Mummy and Daddy are cruel, mean people they’re because we don’t want you to get hurt.